Nakanoii: Takasagoyu, Nakano

God bless my faulty brain.  Just as I was feeling a little bit un-buzzed, I realised I had never in fact googled “nakano sentos”. Turns out there is a pretty decent bathhouse about a 4 minute walk from my apartment. Yesssssssss.

Takasagoyu is kind of a no-nonsense place, especially since the staff there are not exactly trying to win charmer-of-the-week awards.  So much so, that probably the only real redeemable feature is its location.  So, let’s go no-nonsense on this and hit the scoreboard:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE: Takasoguyu, Nakano
Features:	1 large bath combing the electric bath, the massage bath, and some basic leg and thigh jets; dry sauna (I have recently had my world busted by the recognition that what I thought was a gas sauna might be infrared saunas), mizuburo, rotemburo, small lounge.
Bath Heat/10	8 (41 degrees)
Sauna heat/10	8 (90)
Spatial aesthetic/5	1. This place was pretty cramped.
Water quality/5	1 (its a sento, you know?)
Variety of bath types/10	4
Quality of rotenburo /10	8. Higher than normal because,coming well, for an inner city bathhouse, I’m surprised it has a rotemburo. Actually, it’s got an almost homely vibe to it with a couple of pot plants above the water. And a great wall for staring  at.
Mizuburo/10	5. Yeah, it’s tiny as maybe .5 x .8 m, and I hate to wait twice. Brrrh.
Lighting /10	5 (Really nothing special. It aint no Pokapoka land that’s for sure)
Cost to value /5	1.Including the 400 yen tag for the sauna, you’re looking at 860. That’s a bit rich.
Accessibility /5	5. For obvious reasons, and it is open til 1230am (shut mondays)
Little extras /10	5. Did I mention the pot plants? Plus, I’ve seen some men do some pretty strange shit here. More on that in a separate post probably titled “I’ve seen some men do some pretty strange shit in Tokyo bathhouses”.
Overall feeling /10	8.
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	Geez I’m not liking the look of this. Let’s see: 59.

59 degrees. My God that’s quite frigid.
Still, I know I’ll be back.  Especially since the Nakano bathhouses seems to be doing some stamp collecting thing in November.

Takasagoyu, Nakano
〒164-0011 東京都中野区中央４丁目４９−２

Ph: 03-3380-4126
http://takasagoyu.jimdo.com/

Jurassic Onsen Churaumi no Yu, Okinawa Honto

I was told that there weren’t many onsens or sentos in Okinawa.
They weren’t wrong.
I was also told that 1650 yen is too much to spend on a bath.
So very wrong.

(That’s me at my most elegant.)

Quite simply, the onsen at Hotel Orion Motobu Resort and Spa is one tasty way to watch a sunset.  Dare I say it, this was one of my top 20 sunsets.  The onsen itself, bearing the name Jurassic Onsen Churaumi no Yu (due to the depth of the water and its proximity to the Aquarium), is quite small- 2 baths, a sauna and a mizuburo. It appealed to the minimalism in me, especially given that I had the whole place to myself for at least 1 hour.  I must have done at least 4 sweats here, during which time I think I recycled some old hatha yoga breathing exercises. Why the f not.

Also, I spent a while lying on that concrete to the right of the photo.  That was the knees of the bees.

Let’s taste the justice:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE: Jurassic Onsen Churaumi no Yu
Features:	2 large baths (one of which was an ‘undercover rotenburo’.  What this meant was basically that there as waist high window letting fresh air in), 90 degree sauna, and a mizuburo that was long enough for me to plank in.
Bath Heat/10	8 (38-40 degrees) But this is just right for an Okinawa summer.
Sauna heat/10	9 (two levels 90)
Spatial aesthetic/5	5
Water quality/5	2 (salt)
Variety of bath types/10	5
Quality of rotenburo /10	8. Tricky one: technically not a rotenburo, but that view…… and that fresh air…..I stood up at that window for some time.
Mizuburo/10	8
Lighting /10	9 (the sauna was spot on, and most other lights were pretty low)
Cost to value /5	3. 1650 for hotel guests, about 2000 for non-guests. The fact that I don’t consider this expensive testifies to how bad I wanted a soak after a 30 hour week of weeding farmland
Accessibility /5	2. Yeah, it’s a touch of  mission
Little extras /10	6.So the beach downstairs is open to the public.  For onsen users there’s a 1500 yen one hour nomihodai. But I also think just chilling round the hotel would reveal all kinds of treats.
Overall feeling /10	9.
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	74

74 degrees… that’s alright for a 2 bath onsen.

To get there, basically get to the Aquaraium. It’s very close. The Yanbaru express bus goes there, but that’s not very often. I hitched.

Hotel Orion Motobu Resort & Spa
〒905‐0207 沖縄県国頭郡 本部町備瀬148-1

Phone:0980-51-7300

http://www.okinawaresort-orion.com/

No neyu, no life: Maenohara Onsen Sayano Yudokoro, Itabashi

So this year I made about 104 New Year’s Resolutions.  Most of them, like ‘have 14 pairs of  underwear by April’ and ‘just sort it out’, were written in either jest or sincerity and as such were taken with a grain of salt.  “Spend less time at onsens” was also on the list and  surprisingly, this one has actually been adhered to.  It’s also been summer, so, you know…. As such, it’s time to stop fucking around and get back to business.  And with Sayano Yudokoro, there is a strong challenger to NIwanoyu as my favourite onsen in inner Tokyo.

Whilst it is a bit of a hop. skip and a jump to get there (I think it took me about 35 minutes from Nakano with 2-3 changes) Sayano ticks a loooot of boxes and has almost all of my favourite onsen features.  Salt  sauna, the buckets, the  neruyu lay down baths, super fluffy white mats in the dry sauna, what I have previously referred to ‘the watery thrones'( and I have since found out that they are called the suwariyu), jet spas….. let’s steal some pictures from Googlesensei shall we? Yes, let’s.

            

        

Well, that’s great. In classic onsen style, there are no photos of this onsen’s best baths on the net. Must have a good word to onsen owners some day about this.  In any case,just  take my word for it that the salt sauna has a vibe very similar to the scene in which Flash Gordon is sentenced to death by gas in the 1980s film of the same name.

(Just a reminder: the Suwariyyu sitting bath from Oedo)

Ok, these crepes won’t  cook themselves.  I’m gonna let the Scoreboard take care of the rest of this:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE: Maenohara Onsen Sayano Yudokoro
Features:	2 rotenburo, 2 ofuro, 5 massage jets, dry sauna, salt sauna, neyu/neruyu baths (6-7), the watery thrones/suwariyu , 3 bucket baths,   mizuburo, ganbanyoku, restaurant, sleeping rooms, rock gardens, tatami room for sleeping,
Bath Heat/10	8 (41)
Sauna heat/10	8 (three levels, 70-90)
Spatial aesthetic/5	4
Water quality/5	3 (salt)
Variety of bath types/10	10
Quality of rotenburo /10	8
Mizuburo/10	6 (a touch on the small side)
Lighting /10	9 (all lights were frosted and there are a helluva lot of windows)
Cost to value /5	5 (830 yen on weekdays, 1030 yen on weekends, extra for ganbanyoko, and extra 300 for more clothes.)
Accessibility /5	3 (it’s in a strange location from the centre, and about a 10 min walk from the nearest station. But it is open til 1am on almost every day of the year oooohhh yaaaar. )
Little extras /10	8.  The sleeping room was a touch small. The restaurant looks amazing, especially with the rock gardens, but alas, you can’t see the garden at   night due to intense inside reflection.  They should open their windows during spring.
Overall feeling /10	9.  It’s all about the puddles, be they vertical or horizontal.
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	82.

82 degrees…. yar,  it’s hot.  I’ll be back here for sure.

Maenohara Onsen Sayano Yudokoro, Itabashi
http://www.sayanoyudokoro.co.jp
Address: 〒174-0063 東京都板橋区前野町３−４１−１
TEL：03-5916-3826
8-minute walk from Exit A2 of Shimura-Sakaue Station

See you in the trees: Ururi Onsen, Sagamiko Pleasure Resort, Kanagawa

Someone asked me the other day what it is about onsens that I love so much. I thought about it, and said “I can’t think of  a place where it’s possible to do any less for 7 hours”
So, having said that, I’m gonna dispense with all the narrative bullshit and just tell you that Ururi Onsen fucking rules.

First, it’s the hills of Sagamiko in Kanagawa, amongst the Sagamiko Pleasure Resort.  One of the 2 rotenburos has a very nice seating arrangement that allows one to look up at the mountains and through the valley.  It’s a pretty sweet view. On this clear day with cirrus clouds of that very ephemeral nature, I was in flavour country.  Although when I was here with Sexy Boy, he may have suggested that the mineral qualities in the water may have been artificially added. Controversial.

 

 

Second, the neruyu/neyu/nekorobi is under its own shelter and is thus like a hut filled with puddles.  They are about 7 or so ‘puddles here’ which are noticeably deeper than usual (they are about around 2 inches deep).  Outside the neyu there are also classic Oriental some wide brimmed hats in case you’re going to get your sunbake on.

Third, they have awesome deck chairs and bath side recliners.  The first time I went here anyone that sat on these would lay on these backwards, so that they were lying down with their legs in the air. What a bunch of pros.

 

 

Fourth, the sauna kinda sucks.  The room’s too big and the oven’s not powerful enough.  Oh well.

Fifth, the mizuboru has a chair formed into its side. That’s amore right there.

Sixth, their jacuzi jets are pretty powerful.  Good for a sore man’s quads.

 

Seventh, the restaurant is pretty solid and they have pretty decent stout beer.  I smashed a few of these last time in between soaks. To boot, they have wifi.

Eighth, even though I am not a ganbanyoku man, I have done it twice here.  Falling asleep in a 50 degree room and sweating into some form of pyjamas is not mormally my kind of bag, but, hey, there you go….. oh, and the sleeping rooms look amazing. But I have not tried them….yet.

Ninth… I did not know this at the time, but during winter the Sagamiko illumination/lighting used the most LED lights of all the Kanto region illuminations.  Hence the ridiculous traffic coming up the hill on the way home at night.

Tenth, this place seems to attract a lot of kids with their fathers.  As I may have mentioned before. it’s a pretty funny sight seeing the little ones trip balls when they first walk in to the sauna exclaiming “It’s hot! It’s hot! It’s hot!” or freaking out when they step into the mizuburo.  Although there was one 10 year old chappy that thought he could stay longer in the plunge pool than me. Fair credit…. he stayed a lot longer than most.  What  a champ.

Let’s check the ol’ board:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE: Ururi Onsen, Sagamiko Resoirt
Features:	2 rotenburo, 2 ofuro, 5 massage jets, sauna, neyu nut, outdoor furniture,  mizuburo, ganbanyoku, restaurant, sleeping rooms
Bath Heat/10	8 (41)
Sauna heat/10	6 (felt like about 70)
Spatial aesthetic/5	5 (interior 3)
Quality of Chit chat/5	5 (I didn’t want any….. i really should remove this criteria)
Variety of bath types/10	8 (The ofuro were pretty basic, but the neyu, rotenburo and jets make up for this)
Quality of rotenburo /10	9
Mizuburo/10	8
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	4 (1000 yen, extra 200 for ganbanyoko, and extra 300 for more clothes.)
Accessibility /5	3 (because the journey is kind of part of the point, and final bus is very often)
Little extras /10	8.  That restaurant has a balcony, but could be better. The sleeping rooms are dark as hell. They have wifi.  That’s a biggy if you;re feeling all ‘netty’ and what not in between soaks.  I haven’t even checked out the other stuff at the resort (ferris wheel and rides, garden area)  but I’m sure it’s great.  In fact, hiking up the hill here past the lake could also be an option and would probably take 1-1.5 hours.
Overall feeling /10	9
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	80

 

80 degrees…. that’s hot.Get there or you can be-be-be square.

P.s To get there, use a journey planner.  In short, just get to Sagamiko Station and ask for the bus to Sagamiko Resort…. it;s a #23 from memory. Warning though:  On the weekend the last part of the Chuo line only has trains every half an hour, it seems ;(

Ururi Onsen/Sagami Lake Onsen
Sagamiko Resort
http://www.sagamiko-resort.jp/ururi/

252 0175

Sagamihara, Kanagawa, Green Wakayanagu 1634 Sagamiko Resort

 

I’ll always be ready to be jelly: Spa LaQua, Tokyo Dome.

At 2 pm on Thursday the 4th of September, I noticed a certain level of tension, nay, almost aggression, in my dealings with everyday things.   My purpose is not reason why, but rather to do and lie.  Some 9 hours later, I was floating homeward like a jellyfish in an overcrowded fish tank.  That is to say, I was politely bumbling and bouncing my way through the train station amongst a flurry of half-cut and overworked Tokyoites in their rush to catch one of the last trains home.  All was well, as it often as.  I had the highly esteemed Spa Laqua to thank for it.   To be honest, I wasn’t that overwhelmed by Laqua after my visit.  It’s a touch expensive at 2600 yen (3150 if you enter the healing zone), but after visiting Asakusa Rox for  the same price a week later, I kinda realised that actually it’s a damn fine way to blow a cool 3G.

For starters, it has arguably the best collection of saunas in town.  There are 3: the first is a dark-mountain cabin-like sauna, maintained at 100 degrees, electric, no tv, but with camping paraphernalia in it.  It’s very quiet and extremely relaxing.  The second sauna is a standard 90 degree tower sauna which happened to be playing some fantastic cooking shows on this particular day.  The final sauna was kept at 80 degrees and had the occasional aufguss session in it.  I’m not going to lie: I did 7 sauna sessions on this particular day and I think that might actually be a new personal record.

To boot, the mizuburo is centrally located between these three saunas, has a spiral staircase and is more of a standing style mizuburo.  I spent many a minute leaning on the wall here and watching the aforementioned cooking shows.  Happy days.

Unfortunately, the rotenburo and ofuro sections of LaQua left me wanting.  It is at this point that I should mention what is immediately obvious before entering LaQua: it is situated smack bang in the middle of Tokyo Dome, right next to a roller coaster.  What this means is you are subject to screech and screams of the rollercoatser at various points in the LaQua experience.  I would be lying if I said that this doesn’t detract from the rotenburo experience, which itself does not have that great a view over this part of Tokyo.  What is perhaps even stranger is that one can both feel and hear the roller coaster from within the silent healing zone 40 degree rooms.  It’s an odd combination.  However, if one goes outside to the ‘viewing platform’ (whilst wearing a yutaka), it is somewhat amusing to be totally chilled, reclining on some nice chairs, whilst watching people plummet on this jet coaster.  It seems like a strange place to build an onsen but I’m sure the money in their bank says otherwise.

The healing zone, with 5 or soganbanyoku, is a real treat and something of a departure for me.  So I’ve never really have much time for the ganbanyoku- these rooms maintained at about 40-50 degrees, sometimes humid, sometimes with various essential oils being heated and dispensed through the room while you lie on mix of heated slabs of granite or smaller rocks.  I dislike them for one simple reason- you have to wear clothing, most often a yutaka, while doing so.  Even though you are given a large towel, you can not be naked in here.  Whether this is due to hygiene or due to the belief that ganbanyoku rooms should always be mixed gender, I don’t know.  But I spend enough time in summer sweating in my business clothes, and to be honest I find the whole experience kind of gross.  Even if the lighting is really ace.  Having said that, LaQua also has a slightly refrigerated room in which one can watch a variety of jellyfish floating about.  Now that’s  chillaxing.  The healing zone also has provides some very well-designed tiki-style sitting areas, which would be perfect for a mid-onsen date,  of which there seemed to be quite a few happening that day.  Remarkably, beer is not served in the healing zone, which, I must admit, is something of a departure from the norm.  I can’t recall another time or place where beer wasn’t served.  I’m kinda surpised we don’t serve it during class sometimes.

Beer IS available in the restaurant area, albeit  it is perhaps slightly overpriced and must be drunk under some less than relaxing lighting.  The rest area though is positively massive: this features many a reclining couch in areas both with and without tv sets.  Games and book are also offered for your entertainment. I considered pulling an all-nighter here (an extra 1500) and I dare say one could easily pull a 12 hour shift here.  But, after 5 or so hours, I had had enough.

Let’s check it on the board:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	3 Saunas, standing mizuboro, 2 types of jet spa, 2 small rotenburo,  3-4  ofuro of good quality water at 40 degrees, massive rest area, a few restaurants, observation deck of Tokyo Dome, extensive massage services etc.
Bath Heat/10	7 (40)
Sauna heat/10	10
Spatial aesthetic/5	3
Quality of Chit chat/5	3 (due to the potential in healing zone)
Variety of bath types/10	6 (The ofuro were pretty basic)
Quality of rotenburo /10	6
Mizuburo/10	8
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	3 (2600 for basic entry, another 500 or so for the healing zone. But no neyu, minimal jacuzi, and an average rotenburo means a less cost-satisfaction ratio)
Accessibility /5	3 (2min walk from the station, but when I am ever near this station? )
Little extras /10	7.  Pretty sweet little drinking fountain, awesome rest area, and 3 saunas has gotta count for something.  Also, the don quixote nearby as a killer selection of beers
Overall feeling /10	7
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	70

70 degrees. That figures.  Let me put it this way: I would go to LaQua for one of 5 possible reasons:
1.  Niwanoyu was closed.
2. I couldn’t be bothered taking the party all the way to Oedo Onsen in Chiba.
3. I missed the last train home in a  nearby area.
4.  I had been going to Soshigaya Onsen 21 too much and needed a break.
5. I wanted to have a little bath here and there, but mainly I would go there to have a play date with some fellas or a lady.

And that’s that.

Spa LaQua

1-1-1 Kasuga

Bunkyo, Tokyo 112-0003

Nearest station: Korakuen
+81 3-3817-4173

http://www.laqua.jp/spa

Less Foie Gras, More Faux Pas: Hagoromoyu, Shibuya Ward.

Ever since those Friday afternoon sessions of Duck Duck Goose in the second grade, I have always loved a wild goose chase. As I have grown older and possibly wiser,  I have become an even bigger fan of the ‘it’s not the destination, it’s the journey’ kind of escapades, if only because I have both a love of and natural talent for getting lost. Still, I know it’s important to have your eyes well and truly on the prize.  Which brings us to the elusive prize of Hagoromoyu, which somehow still retains the title of the closest sento that I know of to Shinjuku Station.

Let me give you a little bit of history: some time ago, whilst I was having a very staggered conversation with a very friendly man in a very bitchin sento near Yoyogi-Uehara (Daikokuyu, thank you I.K) I was informed of a sento that had a salt sauna and water that was “like black oil”. This was about March 2014, at a time when I knew not of either of this things. Not only that, but this place was recommended after I had asked for the best sento that was close to Shinjuku station.  So, I made a good point of noting down its name and setting Google Sensei to work.  Some time later, after a week of training for an eikaiwa converstaion school and a few more pints with fellow teachers. I endeavoured to find this hallowed establishment.  This was done without the knowledge that Google maps GPS systems works without an internet connection, so I was using Maps as if a stagnant paper map. The quest from station to sento took approximately half an hour, crossed at least one park, involved at least two u-turns and finally, upon recognising the almighty ゆ sign as the marker of all things hot and wet, my excitement was immediately quashed with the recognition that Hagoromoyu was obviously closed.  At this point I vowed never to go sento hunting without a prior phone call to establish some basic facts.  If only I hadn’t abandoned this edict somewhere along the way.

About 6 months later, after what can only be described as ‘the kind of ball busting week that most other Japanese salarymen would probably look down upon as a walk in the park’ (my life is only occasionally tiring), I decided to go chasing geese again. Without a proper maps system again (dead battery).  From the western suburbs.　　Made sense. But, nonetheless, after a couple of wrong turns, I still found that same ゆ sign within about 30 minutes of leaving Shinjuku Station.  And I was just as rapt to have found it.  I quickly dealt with all the usual protocol (shoes, keys, money, locker, naked) and got my sorry ass into the sento.

One of the first things I noticed about this joint, aside from the fact that all the bathing took place on the second floor, was that it seemed particularly busy for a Wednesday night at 9pm.  Most of the baths seemed as if they only had room for one more person in them. Still, I had that sensation of trying to figure out what was what, so I took myself to task, and saw a sliding door up some stairs, behind which all I could see were some feet.  I assumed that this was going to be a steam room or 40 degree sauna.  Upon entering the room, I was met with four or five expressions of mild shock.  I put this less to the fact that I was a foreigner but that I was clearly not holding a packet of cigarettes and had just entered the smoking room. Since when did bathhouses have smoking rooms in them?  So I kept to my act, took a reclining seat in the back row and watched some really shitty tv, indulged in some passive smoking, enjoyed the cool breeze of the air conditioner and subsequently got the fuck outta there.

With this oddity behind me I decided to have a peep around, and very quickly the penny dropped.  The sauna was just a regular sauna and there was none of the black Tokyo water to be found.  As my mother was often fond of saying in the early to mid-90s “shit.fuck.shit”.  This was not the place that my Uehara bather was talking about.  Oh well, move along, move along.  I got down to business in any case, belted myself stupid in the gas-heated sauna and truly got my eyes rolling after a solid one minute underwater plunge in what was possibly the smallest mizuburo I have ever been in.  There was next to no room to lay down in at this place so things go a bit awkward at one point, in the sense that I didn’t know where the hell I should have sat down.  Eventually I decided to mellow out in the bathing area.    I decided to get my hope up again and ventured behind mystery door #2, but, alas, it just revealed an equally tiny rotenburo of an equally overpopulated nature.  To be honest, it’s actually very rare for one to feel crowded at an onsen or a sento in Tokyo, but this was, after all, in west Shinjuku, the heathing belly of the megalopitan beast and, as far as I can tell, the closest bathouse to the busiest train station in the world (although I’m hoping I am wrong in this assessment of proximity).

I was pretty keen not to miss the least train home, so I bailed on this joint before I had properly spent my time there.  The vibe was still going strong as I left, but as I was towelling up and letting the fan dry me, I went searching for Q-tips (cotton buds).  Q-tips, where were the Q-tips? And I thought “Does this place really not have Q-tips” I could handle the fact that I got my wires crossed about the special features of this bathhouse, I could handle all the misdirections and misadventures… heck, I could even handle the absence of a place to lie down. But leaving a hotbox without cleaning my ears? That’s just bullshit and a Japan first for me.  So, on that note, let’s see what the Board says:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Sauna, mizuboro, denkiburo, small rotenburo, smoking room, about 3 ofuro at 42 degrees
Bath Heat/10	8 (42)
Sauna heat/10	7 (gas,90 degrees, but felt cooler)
Spatial aesthetic/5	2
Quality of Chit chat/5	3
Variety of bath types/10	4
Quality of rotenburo /10	5
Mizuburo/10	6
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	3 (standard 460, but with sauna cost 1000)
Accessibility /5	3 (30min walk west from shinjuku station, but Nishishinjuku station is probably closer)
Little extras /10	4 (novelty of a smoking room, but, seriously now, where the f&%k are the Q-tips???)
Overall feeling /10	6
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	58

58 degrees. That’s seriously tepid.  Still, if in a jam, I would go back there.HAGOROMOYU
3-24-20, Honmachi, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo
03-3372-4118
Business hours from 14:00 to 25:30
(business from 13:00 on Sunday)
Regular holiday Friday

Soshigaya Onsen 21: Freazy like a Sunday Morning

I don’t even recall how we got talking about it, but last Wednesday I asked Ayumi to start googling sentos with ‘minus saunas’ again.  It had been a while since I had thought about them. Matter of fact, discovering that Yukari Onsen (now known as Jindaji no Yu…. I was back there last week… more later) had stopped running theirs pretty much turned me off the idea.  I don’t usually give up easily, but thanks to the onset of summer, the search was back on.  Almost instantaneously Ayumi found one about 30 minutes way, and just as quickly I endeavoured to be at  Soshigaya Onsen 21 before the week was over.

The journey was easy and harmless enough. Well actually it was two trains over 30 minutes, but who’s counting? All it took was a simple 5 minute walk from Soshigaya Okura Station and the guiding hand of Google Sensei.  Discovering the sento was exciting, so exiting in fact that I would, post-bathing, find out that I left my tablet on top pf the ticket machine for 90 minutes.  In any case, the Sento-master was a kind old lady who ushered me in, confirmed that there was in fact a ‘frozen sauna’ (‘reito sauna’) and sent me on my merry way.

{FYI: Insert beginner’s guide to how to get undressed and wash here. I keep reading it in every onsen and sento review I come across, suggesting that there is indeed no such thing as a English-speaking sento readership. Having said that, I also noticed on the way out that Soshigaya Onsen has some pretty sweet sento books in the lobby}

Walking through the changerooms, you immediately notice a few things.  First, there is some of that serious black Tokyo water on the baths to the right.  Oh yes.  I believe is this is why Soshigaya is considered an onsen, although the set up is clearly classic sento bath house material.  The bathouse is a domed/tunnel shape, and when you look down to the back you see three kinds of saunas.  That’s the light at the end of the tunnel alright:  the mist sauna, the classic sauna, and the frozen sauna.

Now like most people I have mentioned this to, I also do not quite comprehend why it is called a sauna, as it is clearly just a small room maintained at 0 degrees.  I had been lead to believe that this sauna would be maintained at -10 degrees, so I will have to venture back to inspect this.  When I say it is a small room, I mean small. Standing room only, in that it is less than 1m squared space.  I wasn’t entirely sure of the etiquette here and if it was a shared space or not.  Even though I later told a guy that  I didn’t care if he joined me in there, after all, it’s a just a couple of dudes standing in a freezer, I’m still no less clear about the manners of this, although this friendly Filipinjo fella explained some of the signs for me.   Here: look at these ominous doors.  Not sure what the red light is for:

Let’s hope that if I find another frozen sauna, it is big enough for some sittin’.  Although I don’t think they’re intended for long term usage, and my sore throat a few days later might have something to do with the fact that I was spending 10 minutes at a time in there.  But I’ll still say not a bad word about the sento, and my official line is that “blame the air conditioning”.

Now, as for the regular sauna, there were some tasty surprises in there. For starters, no TV. Now that’s amore. The last few saunas I’ve been in have been playing absolute gibberish in them.  I swear someone should put the memo out that appropriate  sauna viewing is either curling, sumo, baseball or women’s diving.  It’s that simple.  Heck, I”d even allow the Tour de France.  Basically anything where there’s very little talking.  Which brings us back to this sauna: pink sitting mats, a multiude of signs explaining how to use the sauna, decent lighting and gas operated but somehow the air was also not that dry in there (as opposed to my local).  There was also a sign explaining how with each increase in level/step that you sit on, there is an increase of 20 degrees.  I noticed this earlier last week at Gokuraku, where a thermometer on the first step said 70 degrees but the top level said 90.  Intriguing.

But the treats don’t stop there my friends let me tell you: this bathouse also features a 10 metre swimming pool, which on this day was being dominated by small children and fathers. One child in particular seemed to be taking great amusement at throwing his towel at his dad and counting it off.  The father too seemed to be getting his rocks off.  Not only that, but in the middle of this pool are what I would like to call “taki taps” (I’m sure they have a proper name).  Basically powerful taps dropping water back into the pool, great for massaging the head and shoulders.  Also for massaging my disappointment that the monks at the Takao waterfalls won’t train me in waterfall meditation because I don’t speak fluent Japanese.  Wah wah wah.  So this was a nice surprise.  In this area the roof is also transparent, and you know how much I love that. (Maybe you don’t… I love that a lot).   The photo below really, really does not do the place justice:

Soshigaya also seems to have a real hard on for tenkiburo (the electric baths).  I wandered into at least two by accident and realised my mistake pretty quickly when my fist started curling up.  Can’t say I’m the hugest fan of the old tenkiburos, but for what it’s worth these ones seemed pretty sweet.  And, just in case you felt that no bathhouse would be complete without a tv, there is indeed a massive flatscreen playing at the top of the tunnel to be viewed from all the baths, albeit with the sound down.  My god these guys have class.

Let’s see how much class:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Small 2 levelled tower sauna, three black water baths, one silk (white) bath, three tenkiburo, 10 m swimming pool, taki taps, mist sauna, frozen sauna, nice lobby.
Bath Heat/10	8 (42 was the hottest)
Sauna heat/10	10 (94 degrees, gas, no TV)
Spatial aesthetic/5	4
Quality of Chit chat/5	3
Variety of bath types/10	8
Quality of rotenburo /10	7 (I;m counting the swimming pool here)
Mizuburo/10	8
Lighting /10	8
Cost to value /5	4 (680 yen for 2 hours + sauna, 450 otherwise)
Accessibility /5	5 (it’s open 14:00-26:00) five days a week. easy walk from the station.
Little extras /10	10. Lobby, swimming pool taki taps, frozen sauna. I’ll say no more.
Overall feeling /10	10
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	85

 

That’s some hot stuff.  I was only there for about 75 minutes last time, and didn’t even step into the mist sauna, so I’ll be back for sure.  Even if it is two trains and about 40 minutes away.

Soshigaya Onsen 21
http://www.soshigaya-onsen21.com/

		Setagaya–ku, Tokyo Soshigaya 3-36-21
			03-3483-2611
			14:00 to 2:00
			(Sales of admission tickets to the end 1:30)
			460 yen for adults  in ¥ 180 people (elementary school age or younger)  ¥ 80 children (preschoolers)

Takao no Yu: Go get Floppy

I’m going to keep this review even briefer than the last.

If you’re going to walk up Mt Takao, there are two things you might want to look into. The first is the shrine and accompanying monks that have an acsetic waterfall practice.  I need to research this some more.  The second is to go to the nearest sento/onsen  (hmmmm…..) at Takao Station, bearing the rather unusual name of “Floppy”.   Whilst Floppy is  a very functional bathing experience, I must say I look forward to the 2015 completion of  a new onsen near Mt Takao itself.

I’m in no mood for words. Let’s allow the Scoreboard to do the talking.

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Tower sauna, 1 rotenburo, lying down massage jets, steam room, mizuburo, about 3 other ofuro, relaxation room.
Bath Heat/10	7 (hottest was 40.6 degrees)
Sauna heat/10	6 (90 degrees, gas and with a very loud tv showing, in this case, some very boring tv)
Spatial aesthetic/5	3
Quality of Chit chat/5	0
Variety of bath types/10	6 (there was no good water to speak of)
Quality of rotenburo /10	6
Mizuburo/10	8 (was massive and as about 16 degrees)
Lighting /10	8 (had  a glass dome roof which allowed for the watching of the rain)
Cost to value /5	3 (we hit it for 2 hours for 800 yen)
Accessibility /5	4 (in so far as your near Mt Takao. They also have a shuttle bus that leaves from Takao station every 30 minutes)
Little extras /10	7 (they had the wooden planks outside, the steam room smelt nice, one of the baths had a tiny overflow waterfall which was very pleasant to sit under)
Overall feeling /10	7
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	65

 

Yeah, 65 degrees. That figures.

Photos from the wesbite really suck, so, you know….

Takao no Yu Floppy

http://furoppy.co.jp/topics_list7/

Hachioji, Tokyo Hazama-cho 1466-1
TEL:042-665-4126 Fax :042-665-4130

Niwanoyu: Bathing for beginners

Okie dokie. I’m gonnna to keep this as short and as unpoetic as possible.

Niwano yu (aka Tohimaen Garden) is extremely functional.  It is one of the few spas (some people I have talked to have been averse to using the term onsen) in Tokyo to allow couples to bathe together, albeit with bathers.  Located near Nerima, it’s remarkable easy to get to.  The eponymous garden is something of a delight, with ample green cover, tables for lunches and a good place for Hotcat and I to smash a beer in the shade.  There is a waterfall which, whilst sounding nice, is a bit of a tease, in so far as you are not allowed to stand under it.  In the mixed bathing area, there are 2 rotenburos, a rather large sauna, a badenzone/therme styled bathing area (with a massage spa journey, as the jets get lower on your body as you moved around the different stations),  a rope-and bucket pulley-powered bucket rinse and another steamroom.  The seperate mens’ and womens’ sections also feature 3 bucket baths facing another garden, a Turkish-themed steamroom, smaller sauna and a couple of other ofuros.

Special mentions must go the aufguss/towel waving sessions that happen every couple of hours in the saunas.  Indeed it was quite a spectacle to be sitting in an entirely rammed sauna with 40 Tanakas heaving and aaahhing like a bunch of regular school girls. And begging for more iceblocks to suck on inbetween sessions.

Inside the therme section there is also a spa with foot jets so powerful that you can stand on top of them and float.  A lof of people were also eating icecream that day, let me tell you.

 

 

They have heaps of massage treatements, but that’s just for the gals don’t you know? And there are so many ugly koi/carp swimming around in the garden.

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Mixed section (bathers): Tower sauna with a 5 min aufguss session every 2-3 hours, badenzone with jet spa journey, 2 rotenburos, garden Seperate section: bucket baths,4 ofuros in seperate sex section, sauna, steamroom Sleeping rooms, massages, restaurant etc etc
Bath Heat/10	7
Sauna heat/10	9 (90 degrees, and electric)
Spatial aesthetic/5	4
Quality of Chit chat/5	4 (was with Hotcat)
Variety of bath types/10	7
Quality of rotenburo /10	6
Mizuburo/10	7
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	3 (around 1900 I believe)
Accessibility /5	3 (it’s Nerima and it’s not too far from the station)
Little extras /10	9 (at this point I’ll take what I can get for mixed bathing.  And, strangely, the garden really impressed me).
Overall feeling /10	8
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	74

 

Yep, for your fresh faced bathers or parents who refuse to go in the duff, this might not be a bad place to start.

 

Niwanoyu.Toshimaen Garden

http://www.niwanoyu.jp/index.html

Yu Toshimaen garden” Nerima-ku, Tokyo 3-25-1 Mukaiyama 
:03 -3990 -4126 

Just one fix: Gokurakuyu, Tama Centre.

No matter what I threw at Gokuraku on a warm, wet  night, I just couldn’t hit the spot.  Probably because I’d belted myself stupid three days earlier at Kenkou Lando.  I had myself submerged in the 18.6 degree plunge pool for over a minute, several times, but alas, I couldn’t get high.

It was all very much like this.

Gokuraku in Tama has all the classics.  A tower sauna with a big fuck off tv and some very snuggly floor mats.  A long plunge pool, a 41 degree rotenburo, another undercover rotenburo with another big fuck off tv in it, a variety of spa jets…  There was also a 40 degree mist sauna (the proper name eludes me) which smelt overwhelmingly like rosemary.  Foccacia yeah.  Heck, there was even an onsite barber.

But alas, I did not leave a happy man.  Goddamn serotonin.

I’ll tell you one thing though- I’ll probably be back soon, as it’s right next to my summer office.  And, unlike most onsens/sentos, they can sure as shit take some pretty pictures.

 

   

 

 

How succuluent I wonder:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Tower sauna, mist sauna avec rosemary, 3 rotenburos, very shallow neyu, mizuburo, 3 kinds of jet spa, electric bath, 2 more ofuros
Bath Heat/10	8 (hottest at just over 41)
Sauna heat/10	9 (90 degrees, gas)
Spatial aesthetic/5	3
Quality of Chit chat/5	0
Variety of bath types/10	8
Quality of rotenburo /10	8
Mizuburo/10	9 (great planker)
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	4
Accessibility /5	4
Little extras /10	6
Overall feeling /10	6
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	72

If you ever find me dead at the bottom of a plunge pool, know that I died a happy man.