Got me a new castle: Nagayama kenkou rando Taketorino yu, Nagayama, Tama City.

Rainy season is upon us, which means that it’s time to go lie outside the sauna and get a sprinklin’.  So I’ll be brief.    For some reason, I didn’t expect much from the onsen which is now my local (since moving to Tama). Which is a bit odd, considering that it charges 1900 yen.  6 hours after soaking away my Mondayitis, I was left with this sentiment.  I think it says it all.

Mad in My Castle on a Monday

What a way to sit
Whoever sat like this?
Is this even sitting?
With folded legs  and crossed arms underneath one’s crown
laying back on a circular alter in the middle of an otherwise oceanic bath
surrounded by the likes of bodies you’ve rarely seen before
in simmering and electric waters
forever in a state of abdication.

A mad king turns the warmest of puddles into a royal immersion.

And if there be no puddle, then by george

he makes one.

For a mad king,in truth, needs no throne

nor royal chambers,

but merely some wet hard ground on which to lay

and supplant himself before everyone and no one.

His heart beats for no other, nor for no thought:

for counting heartbeats is like taking account

of all the lucky stars that is the universe known as yu

 

Or, to put it another way, there’s this.

   

This photo must be from the woman’s section. There is an alter in front of Fujisan painting in the men’s.

These neyu-like baths are pretty sweet.  Slight curvature so that about 60% of the body is under the water when laying down.

Spiced baths, baby.

 

But let’s check out the succulence:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Tower sauna with a 5 min aufguss session every 3 hours, very strange curved half submerged neyus, spiced water rotenburo, many many places to lie down, tv room, a shitload of bedbrock saunas (extra), karaoke room, sleeping room, 3 more ofuros
Bath Heat/10	8
Sauna heat/10	9 (90 degrees, and electric)
Spatial aesthetic/5	5
Quality of Chit chat/5	0
Variety of bath types/10	8
Quality of rotenburo /10	7
Mizuburo/10	9
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	3
Accessibility /5	5 (it’s open 24 hours at my local train station)
Little extras /10	9 (nice yukatas, got wifi, have the doctor fish for your feet should you be keen).And that clove/cinnamon water… like sitting in a bath of chai.  But I’m afraid it’s only for a limited time. oh, and a very sweet painting of Fujisan (I assume). I could practically hear the ducks.
Overall feeling /10	9
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	78

Hmmm…. I’m beginning to wonder if I should take “chit chat’ out as a factor.  That’s one element here that kinda bums me a little.  The onsen experience, as opposed to the sento, just doesn’t seem like a communal experience.And you read right: an aufguss session. Two dudes using big plastic fans to push heat wave sin our face. Never thought I’d be so excited about an electric sauna either. The gas ones still do me head in a bit.Here, have a walking tour video.

永山健康ランド　竹取の湯

Nagayama kenkou rando Taketorino yu
042-337-1126
東京都多摩市永山1-3-4
http://www.taketorinoyu.com/index.html

Up the duff when it’s hot enough: Gionyu, Nakahara Ward, Kawasaki.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again:

I love yu.

 

Almost more importantly, I love it when I’m bumming around a local area and I find a big ol’ sign with my favourite hiragana on it, promising me that good times and great classic hits await behind some shoe lockers and a couple of blue curtains.  Case in point: Gionyu.

Sure, I could be a little upset that, after living near Motosumiyoshi for 2 months, this has only come to my attention now, but how upset can one really be after one has been informed that behind this bright blue sign lay several baths that begin at 44 degrees?   To boot, the kind manager alerted me to the sento’s wesbite and Kawasaki’s more general collection of sento wesbites. What a guy.  I vowed to return about a week later…. vowing to return to a sento: there’s a promise I have little trouble keeping.

Upon return, I got straight down to business.  I had been told that there was no sauna, no mizuburo, no rotenburo…. and yet, I love this place. Why you ask? Because of a little something they like to call the ‘air carillion’.  I didn’t know what this was. All I could see was a sign with a whole bunch of undecipherable kanji and a mirrored sliding door which no one was really venturing beyond.   Ah the excitement of entering a mysterious door.  Could be a karaoke joint, could be a girly bar, could be a toilet.  Everybody wins.

As it turns out, the air carillion contained a solitary plastic chair, a whopping 48 degree bath and a very pleasant level of humidity.  How quite literally awesome.  A a seasoned soaker I know better than to test the water with the most fleshless and thus most sensitive part of the body, the feet (although a lass I recently met says that I have the feet of a pregnant woman).  I put in all my chips and sat in the bath up to my hips.

Ah, 48 degrees.  Your troubles will melt away as will probably a nipple or two. Indeed I had to breathe like a pregnant woman so maybe that lass is onto something.  Very hard to think about anything else in such a bath.  The ever so slight bubbles may or may not have made things easier.  Matter of fact, what normally turfs me out of the surf at such temperatures isn’t the feeling on my legs, feet, chest or otherwise.  It’s the overwhelming feeling of heat surrounding my ears.  For sure I will be returning here one more time, so I’ll see if a wet towel on the head makes much difference.  Sitting on the chair, reading my book, interrupted by the occasional other masochist (NB: they didn’t stay for much longer than 5 minutes either)…..  it’s  damn fine way to reboot for the last day of the working week.  Or, continuing the theme, not a bad place for a rebirth.  Pregnant with a new sense of self.  That’ll do it.

Otherwise, the sento is business as usual, but with more tickled pink flesh than usual.  At over 50 years old, I dare say the sento has its shit sorted,  Couple of basic jets, several cold showers, a few naked dudes sitting on towels in front of a rotating fan having their balls and bodies dried alike.  A couple of posters of Thermae Roman as well (which I have started watching today).  Reasonable lounge out the front.  I suspect the board will tell me that Gion aint that succulent.

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Air carillion (48 degree bath), 3 ofuros with basic jets, showers, small lounge, really friendly staff.  Closed Mondays.
Bath Heat/10	10
Sauna heat/10	0 (NA)
Spatial aesthetic/5	3
Quality of Chit chat/5	5 (I’m counting the manager in this one)
Variety of bath types/10	4
Quality of rotenburo /10	0 (NA)
Mizuburo/10	0 (NA)
Lighting /10	5
Cost to value /5	4 (450, standard)
Accessibility /5	5 ( it’s my local, for now.  This might be an unfair way of judging things, but life is unfair)
Little extras /10	6
Overall feeling /10	9
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	51

 

51.  But I’m telling you the place is succulent damn it.  

Incidentally, Gion is a small town in Kyoko famous for geisha, makis and drinking establishments (in a nutshell).  The area around Gionyu is Gioncho, although my host father cannot figure out why.  I’ll leave that for someone else to worry about.

Gionyu

http://www.gionyu.com/

5-26 Kizukigioncho, Nakahara Ward, Kawasaki, Kanagawa, Japan ‎

住所：神奈川県川崎市中原区木月祗園町5-26

 

 

 

 

 

Batter up, play ball: Oedo Korona, Sendai.

Having just been at my first baseball game in Sendai, do not be surprised if this review is filled with many half baked baseball metaphors and analogies.  I apologise in advance and hope that they are not all foul balls.

With half a bottle of sake and couple of hours of drumming with plastic baseball baths under my belt, I stepped up to the plate for another round of Oedo onsens.    Up in Sendai, at the Oedo Korona, there were a few notable changes.  Firstly, they weren’t using that beloved tag system that lets you pay for everything with a bar code.  There was also less fanfare upon entry…. such is the end of my criticisms.

For example, what other rotenburo has 31 rubber duckies for children to play with.  I didn’t count, the kids did. I probably shouldn’t have illustrated how to turn said duckies into water pistols. But who doesn’t like seeing brothers and sisters squirt each other in the face? (Answer: their fathers).  One repeated feature of this onsen are walls with water running down it.  How very, very pleasant.  Nowhere is this better exemplified than in what could only be described as The High Counsel of the Mad Kings of Spatown.  This is a row of about 5 or so slabs of rock, very vertical for those with a slump, with a fine layer of hot water running down the back, and a foot bath beneath it.  Kind of like a right angled, sitting neyu. Fantastdiddliastic. Like slumping in the dug out after one serious strike out.

The rather wide, central rotenburo here was also a smash hit. notable for the very large flat screen tv playing in the upright corner of the outdoor area. Why the f not?  Slightly bubbly/carbonated water. No complaints about the sauna- just a real 90 degree straight shooter there.   Same again about the steamroom.  Misty-erious and just how i like it.  The mizurburo is one of the deeper of its kind, at 1m, again with, yep, you guessed it, another wall of cascading water.  Although this made me wonder- given the space constraints often in Japan and certainly Tokyo, why is the mizurburo never a vertical plunger pool at 1.5-1.8 metres deep ala Peninsula Hot Springs?

Like other Oedos, Korona also has the wooden planks for a sweet lie down.  Check and check.  There were some rather bright floodlights pointed at the headrest area, so us brothers laid back to front.  Minutes later, I noticed another man had started to do the same.  Hey hey we’re onsen trend setters.  There is also a hinoki bath and a couple of bucket baths.  All berry berry good.  And, not to put too fine a point on it. but Korona also has a very reasonable drinking fountain.  Usually the fountains at onsens are either too weak a stream or they are too cold and hurt my precious teef.  This one was ticketyboo.  

That;s right: I’m turned on by drinking fountains, walls of cascading water and places to lie down. Let’s see just how succulent it is:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Sauna, steamroom, mizuboro, bucket baths,  3 ofuro (basic jets), 3 rotenburo, hinoki baths, the high counsel for mad kings, wooden planks, and the waterwalls
Bath Heat/10	8
Sauna heat/10	8 (90 degrees)
Spatial aesthetic/5	5
Quality of Chit chat/5	5
Variety of bath types/10	8
Quality of rotenburo /10	9
Mizuburo/10	9
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	4 (700, from memory)
Accessibility /5	2 ( it was an 1800yen taxi ride there and back….hmmmm)
Little extras /10	9
Overall feeling /10	9
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	83

 .    

    

83 degrees: that’s pretty succulent.

Oedo-Onsen-Monogatari Sendai corona
〒 983-0005 Sendai, Miyagi Prefecture Miyagino Ward Fukumuro character Tanakamae 1-53-1
022-786-1426

http://www.ooedoonsen.jp/korona/

 

Name I Don’t Know Yu: Yoyogi-Uehara, Shibuya.

Sometimes, when I walk out of a train station into a new neighbourhood filled with a high density of laundries, 100 yen shops and too many bakeries, my sento senses go into overdrive.  Such is the case with Inadatsuzumi, one of the interchange stops on my way to work.  I walked around that area for about 30 minutes searching for the ‘yu’ in clear defiance of local advice that there wasn’t one within 2 hours.  I gave up after not being able to find the police, my aforementioned senses in a state of disrepute.  Sometimes, however, I get very lucky. And in the case of The Sento With No Name, I manage to strike gold.

It had been a lovely afternoon of walking off a hangover, visiting Kaldi and finding awesome and not so awesome bakeries alike.  On one of my whims I asked a random merchant if there was a sento in the area.  She pointed around the corner and within minutes I found myself walking through a laundromat, past my favourite letter of the Japanese alphabet and  out of my shoes. I asked the standard questions – day of rest, have mizuboro, got sauna, closing time- and promised that I’d be back.

It wasn’t until my second visit here, though, that I realised how incredibly unique this place is.  For starters, there is no tv in the sauna.  Instead, you will find a whole bunch of men reading manga.  It’s a very quiet vibe in there with the cracking of the sauna (yes, it’s electric, not gas) and the turning of pages.  Moreover, the chat here is very good.  Finest chat in the land so far.  I had a very lengthy chinwag with a man (and eventually, his translator) about a sento in Shinjuku with a salt sauna and ‘black oil’. Back then, I had no idea what this meant.

Furthermore, there is a separate bathing area for the mizuboru.  Which also has a shower above it, so you can cold shower whilst in the plunge bath.  This room is often empty, and I truly skullfucked myself in here the last time I was here by staying in the plunge pool for well over 5 minutes.  With my eyes doing backflips, the room had a very “enter the void” kind of quality. I say that with the highest level of subjectivity,  but in the silence, lighting and particulars of this situation, I had a mindnumbingly pleasant ‘welcome to Japan’ kind of moment. It was quiet beyond quiet, you know, ‘the sound of blood rushing’ kinda quiet.

The piece de resistance, however, is what can only be referred to as the ‘chill out’ lounge.  Three or four sofas, room decorated in a multitude of sumo and athletic promotional material, some extremely outdated exercise machines, more magazines and manga… I can tell this place has some pretty interesting history, like it used to be a boxing or sumo sento.  So what you end up with is a bunch of dudes sitting round naked on yellow towels reading magazines or, in the case of the Norde I met, reciting a speech.  I followed suit and began planning some lessons.  Another fella began doing weights, bearing in mind the room is about 3 by 3 metres.    It’s all going on at the Sento With No Name.

The other nice touch with this place is that they place Japanese music from the 50s and 60s while you’re in there.  It’s only just audible, which is probably what you want.  Whilst sitting in the normal ofuro- which, to remind you, are damn hot in a “I can’t believe it’s only 41 degrees’ kind of way- you can also see the tv in the changeroom.  A damn feast of the senses if what we have going on here. Well, not quite.   But damn recreational and leisurely, that’s for sure.

Let’s have a look at the Board of Sento Succulence:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Sauna, mizuboro, Denkiburo, 3 ofuro (basic jets), loungeroom.
Bath Heat/10	8
Sauna heat/10	8 (90 degrees)
Spatial aesthetic/5	5
Quality of Chit chat/5	5
Variety of bath types/10	6
Quality of rotenburo /10	0 (NA).
Mizuburo/10	9
Lighting /10	8
Cost to value /5	5 (standard 450)
Accessibility /5	2 (Yoyogi uehara is not close to me at all, but I have traversed town late at night. That’s how good it is)
Little extras /10	9
Overall feeling /10	10
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	76

76 degrees.  That’s pretty damn good for a sento without a rotenburo.

And yet, I forgot to find out the name of the sento, and I haven’t been back there since.  So all I can offer you is this:

 

It’s somewhere near there.

Enjoy.

 

P.S This was the place that gave me the idea for opening a sento called Chinatown. As in, Polanki’s Chinatown.  Jerry Goldsmith’s soundtrack, filled with regret, nostalgia and doomed hope, would be the perfect accompaniment for soaking. Well, my kind of soaking anyway.

P.P.S.  I am probably well out of line with that “Enter the Void’ call. But that just testifies to how much I like this place.

 

Old dog, new sticks: Jyoumon no Yu, Saiwa Prefecture, Kawasaki.

Once upon a time I found a bar in Shibuya at 6am that had a wall made of records.  That was a long night.  Coming home at about 10am, I was greeted by a 10 year old’s question: “Bastu Bennett, can we go to the onsen?” (ok, so he didn’t use that name).  Obama is in town this week, and I do believe my answer will always be

‘Yes, yes we can’.

Jyoumon no Yu does not advertise itself as a spiritual place, well, at least not via google translate.  I dare say that would and should, because this place has some very, very fulfilling properties.  Oh wait….. I’m clearly talking bollocks. The website definitely does this.  And I really should start translating the name of the onsens. For example, I mentioned to a pal that this onsen had a very old feeling.  Then I find out the Jyoumon refers to 3000-12000 BC.  Nice work Bennett, you’re really on top of things.

Yes, this place has an eye for detail.  Before entry there is the smell of smoke, and as the saying goes, where there’s smoke….  Lots of dark wooden flavours round here.  All class, all the time.  The onsen floor has been ribbed (using a rope, apparently) to allow for mild foot acupuncture.  I love this shit.  The walls of the mizuburo are paved with pebbles.  The spacious indoor ofuro has a very large tree trunk in it, which is great for leaning against.  Would not be surprised if this is forbidden though, given that this attests to some historical power.   Lovely 2-3 person bucket bath as well.  But the piece de resistance is clearly the single rotenburo, which has various logs strewn across the way, lots of reeds…. you most certainly do feel that your are in some kind of preternatural swamp, albeit a very silky brown one maintained at about 41 degrees.  Strangely, this rotenburo felt more deeply natural than some of the baths up in Akita, which does not really compute given that Jyoumon is based in suburbia.  Still, not a bad place to play hide and seek with a locker key as well, as it turns out.  I was only there for 2 hours, but what  a 2 hours. I have a slight impression I may have missed some things.

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Sauna, rotenburo, mizuburo, very open ofuro, bucket bath, restaurant… and probably some other things.
Bath Heat/10	8
Sauna heat/10	8 (90 degrees)
Spatial aesthetic/5	5
Quality of Chit chat/5	3
Variety of bath types/10	6
Quality of rotenburo /10	10.
Mizuburo/10	7
Lighting /10	10. Should be in the picture dictionary for ‘ambient’.
Cost to value /5	3 (1200 or so)
Accessibility /5	2 (although apparently only a 7 min walk from Yako Station)
Little extras /10	7
Overall feeling /10	8
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	77

Unlike most onsen, Jyoumon has a really nice website.  So pictures will be found there.

Jomon natural hot spring
Zhi Rakunoyu 
〒 212-0024 Kanagawa Prefecture, Saiwai-ku, Kawasaki-shi TSUKAGOSHI 4-314-1 
toll-free 0120-650-711
http://www.shiraku.jp/index.html

I mean, look at that…. toll free number?!?  What a classy bunch of guys.

 

Nothing Naff about NAF: Utsukushi no Yu

NAF Wellness Centre, AKA Utsukushi no Yu… you’re alright with me.

First off, on the weekends you can do laps here a 25m pool. Tick and tick.
Secondly, the extent of spa jets here is quite insane. About 7 different types, some of which had rhythmic settings working at different times on the lower back.  And one that shot bubbles straight up your pooper. Why not.
Thirdly, the four or so rotenburos are surrounded by very tall _____ trees.  And there is plenty of space to chill outside.
Fourthly, they have 2 saunas (60 and 90).  Having 2 saunas is slowly becoming something of a mandatory feature for me.
Fifthly, at least one of their ofuros is damn hot.  Nice spotlight on the bath as well.
Sixthly, it’s a piece of piss to get to, in so far as it is about a 5 minute walk from a station that is itself about a 20 minute train from Shibuya.  I don’t know who is putting out the message that Yukari is easier to get to.
Seventhly, the restaurant is not a bad place for a lie down on the tatami and a snooze.
Eightly, I want to eat ramen there now.
Ninthly, the pool boy was ever so keen to teach me the English words for the different swimming courses. To the point of stopping me mid-swim to tell me.
Tenthly, because I said so.
Bummer that the internet offers so little in the way of pictures.

Let’s board this baby.

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Sauna (90 and 60), 4 rotenburo, mizuburo, 3 ofuro, 7 spa jets, restaurant, 25m pool, massage, relaxation room.
Bath Heat/10	9
Sauna heat/10	10 (90 & 60 degrees)
Spatial aesthetic/5	4
Quality of Chit chat/5	4
Variety of bath types/10	9 The jets, man, the jets.
Quality of rotenburo /10	7
Mizuburo/10	8
Lighting /10	8. It was also overcast that day, and for me onsen+overcast= bread and butter.
Cost to value /5	4 (1200 with swimming on weekends, 900 otherwise)
Accessibility /5	4
Little extras /10	7
Overall feeling /10	9
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	83

 

Yessir, this place gets me wet.
And yet I haven’t been back there since I visited almost 6 weeks ago.
So little time, so much soaking.

NAF Wellness Centre
AKA Utsukushi no YU

Address 2-3-45 Takaidonishi, Suginami-ku, Tokyo
Telephone 03-3334-0008
Home Page www.nafsport.com (In Japanese)
Business Hours: 10:00am to 24:00
Admission Price: Adults 900 yen (1200 yen on weekends), children 600 yen (800 on weekends)

When Virgins Act Like Sirens: Jindaki Onsen Yukari, Chofu

I’m going to make this extremely short and probably not so sweet.

Jindaki Onsen Yukari was a great disappointment and a little bit confusing. Then it got promising, and then it disappointed me again.

Numerous reviews had lead to believe that this place had a minus 2 degree “sauna” and a very new-age feel (read: at least the lighting will be good).  Not only did this onsen not have such a sauna, but the lighting at this place was just effing terrible.  The 4 or so rotenburos outside had floodlights facing them in the most heinous of ways.  And what they were trying to achieve with the red lights in the cave bath is a real mystery to me.

Having said that, I feel that this place would be infinitely better during the day. I’m a man who likes to focus on the positives so I’ll say this: the steamroom was very, very nice, operating at a surprisingly pleasant 60 degrees and featuring a very strange steaming sand pit.  The mizuboro, at a cool 18 degrees and long enough for a full underwater plank, really hit the spot and I truly messed myself up on this one.  The bucket bath was a really damn nice place to read a book with your legs swinging over the side (I still don’t know what the general consensus is on reading in the onsen/sento.  I’m not going to ask, because my current theory is that if you don’t ask you won’t be told it’s forbidden).

There was a really nice 3 seater bath inside a glass gazebo, in which I met a really nice fella who ran a school in Thailand and who alerted me to other nearby onsens that DID have a minus sauna.  I gave him my email and awaited the information.

Amateur mistake. I haven’t heard from him.

The search goes on.

Let’s give this bastard a rating:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Steamrom, cave bath, bucket bath, 3 rotenburo including one in a glass gazebo, one indoor bath.Restaurants, sleeping room, massage area (nb: many have this. Don’t know why I’m starting to mention it now)
Bath Heat/10	7
Sauna heat/10	6 (60 degrees)
Spatial aesthetic/5	2
Quality of Chit chat/5	4
Variety of bath types/10	5
Quality of rotenburo /10	5
Mizuburo/10	9
Lighting /10	3
Cost to value /5	2 (1650 yen, 1200 after 6)
Accessibility /5	3 (nice shuttle bus from Chofu station, or a pleasant 45 min walk with an Asahi as company)
Little extras /10	6
Overall feeling /10	5
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	57

Yep. 57.

I’ve scanned so many reviews of this place because I keep reading different things. I just read one from 2009 and that talked about having a bath up high in the trees.  Well I’ll be jiggered.  Most of the reviews I’ve written feel like they’re written by onsen virgins.  Matter of fact, I heard several cherries praise Yukari on the night that I was there.

Yep, like I said, amateur hour.

Jindaji Onsen Yukari

東洋整体 深大寺温泉ゆかり店

2 Chome-12-2 Jindaiji Motomachi

Chōfu, Tokyo 182-0017

PokaPoka Land: a sento, a red light and a feeling.

Here’s a rather sad little fact: I find it so hard to relax and do nothing (on dry land) for 8 hours that I will often go drinking just to get a hangover, thereby incapacitating myself for the following day. Not exactly a healthy habit. Truth be told, I’ve been over drinking for some time and had significantly reduced my consumption back in Australia.  Japan’s been making short work of that, what with the $20 all you can drink nomihodais and extremely cheap bottleshops.  So, hangovers….

I woke up this morning on Billy’s floor, still drunk and in more than a little bit of pain.  For the first time it actually felt like I had been sleeping on the floor:  concrete legs, slight nausea and mixed feelings (I had been visited by ‘one of those’ dream women again. You know the ones.  Those girls you’ve never met except for in your dreams.  Haunting, probably a composite of many different people,  impossible to remember after waking and invariably someone with whom you’re both in love. What a drag. Anyway….) So I knew what I had to do.  Adhering to my new personal philosophy of not trying to do more than 3 things in one day, and following my brother’s advice, I bunked the ‘get a bank account plan’, killed an hour or two buying a book and eating a Whopper Jnr (p.s the BK chips are crispier here with bits of potato skin left on), consulted my Tokyo Bathing google map (more later) and headed out to PokaPoka Land in Meguro.

I broke one my cardinal rules yesterday and left my house without my bathing bag. But that’s one of the lovely things about sentos: anything you need, you can buy  or hire there.  Soap, toothbrushes, wash cloths, towels, beer, icecreams, combs, bodywashes…. it’s pretty extensive.  So today I finally bought one of the wash cloths and boy wasn’t it a revelation.  The standard washcloth that most guys are using is made from the same spongey material that louffers are made from, but in a flat 50cm by 20cm  form.  This means that it’s extremely easy (and dare I say, quite, quite pleasurable) to wash your back in that classic ‘towel shimmy’ motion.    I probably haven’t mentioned how much I love showering here, so let’s take a quick tangent shall we? (Yes, we shall).

I love showering here so much. First of all, you’re sitting down on a tiny stool.  As Mr Burns would say, who doesn’t love a good sit?  I also love bucket showers (ala my time in west Africa), so put these two together and whammo- you’ve got one happy dude.  I discovered today that the faucet for filling the bucket to wash with, and the shower head, run on separate water systems. Now I can sense that I’m going to lose you here so let’s just say it means that I can shower and bucket at the same time.  This is one sure way to get very, very clean without wasting too much water (I’ll save my stories for sharing bath waters at home for another time).  Basically, if you want to know how showering here makes me feel, skip to the 40 second mark of this clip.

I was very content upon entering Pokapoka’s sauna, even if it is standard sauna fare. 90 degrees, small tv, the 12 minute clock. There were some cooking shows on tv, as there always is, and it seems that ‘television food critics’ really don’t know the meaning of the word overact.  I must say, and I never thoughts I’d say this, but I wish sumo, curling or baseball was on the tv in the sauna.  Or any old sport.  I don’t want to be actually paying attention to something that requires that much thinking.

The outdoor rotenburo was exactly like the one at the sento I went up to in Hatagaya, so maybe it’s not just the prices that are fixed to be the same everywhere. For a sento to have a rotenburo is no mean feat, and on an overcast, chilly day like today, it was just de-diddili-ightful.  No seating outside though, and no where to lie down…. but I’ll be damned if on a day like today I wasn’t going to lie down. So I moved onto into the changing room and planked on the central bench that is mainly reserved for … actually I don’t know what it’s reserved for.  I could tell that my behaviour wasn’t totally bow-worthy, but I think I’ll just wait for Tanaka to tell me off.  Needless to say, I was very, very comfortable.

Let’s talk jets.  PokaPoka had 7 baths with jets, but 3 kinds.  Before we get started, here is a nice picture of Poka Poka I found on the ol’ interweb.  I don’t quite understand the red lights, which isn’t to say I didn’t like them.

   (See under the circular window in the back: that’s the wet-throne that is the mizuburo plunge pool.)

 

First things first: these baths felt a lot hotter than the 40 degrees they claimed to be.  I also tried to take a photo of Pokapoka’s sign out the front, which names the different kinds of baths, but it didn’t really take.  Here is the photo I took upon spotting this lovely land:

   (you can hide but you can’t run)

In any case, the hot baths.  In the bottom left corner is a double barrelled shotgun of a bath, aimed squarely at your lower back. I also gave my rump a bit of a polish with this one, as I did my thighs.  Like I said, I had concrete legs.  I give the pressure a score of 8/10, where 10 is being blown away if you don’t hang onto the handlebars.  But the real humdinger of this scene was two baths across, in which I laid down and had two jets on my  calves, two on my hips and a mild one on my back.  And a red light.  That was proper rancho-relaxo my friends let me tell you.  The final bath-pair was very very mild, a soft bubbling. I believe it was called the dream bath: who needs phantasmic women from my subconscious when I have this joint?

Finally, because I think I deserve more treats, I gave the massage chair a go once I got dressed.  1o minutes for 200 yen: ever penny felt every pinch.  Squeezed calves, shoulders and did some pretty crazy things to my back.  It also gave my butt a good pummelling so I guess after that there was nothing else to do but head home.  Let’s see what the Succulence Board had to say about all this:

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Sauna, rotenburo, mizuburo, massage chair, 3 types of jet spas, one plain ofuro
Bath Heat/10	8
Sauna quality/10	7 (90 degrees): a bit small
Spatial aesthetic/5	3
Quality of Chit chat/5	3 (there was a lot of chat going on, not that I was part of it)
Variety of bath types/10	7
Quality of rotenburo /10	5
Mizuburo/10	6
Lighting /10	7
Cost to value /5	3 (850 yen for sauna-set)
Accessibility /5	4 (5 minute walk from Gakugeidaigaku station on the Toyoko line)
Little extras /10	6
Overall feeling /10	8
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	67

I really like this place, so don’t let the 67 throw you.  The fella behind the counter seemed really sweet, it’s damned accessible, and it is called Poka Poka Land after all, which, depending on who you’re talking to, means wither Warm Land or the Land of being mildly pounded.  Both of which explain why it was my first thought upon waking.

Bradley Cooper and those Hangover boys could really learn a thing or two here.

PokaPoka Land Takaban no yu
2-2-1, Takaban, Meguro-ku, Tokyo
TEL:03-3713-1005
cross reference: http://www.sentoguide.info/bath/1039-takaban-no-yu

Oedo Take 1: Beauty on its back

I’m going to cut to the chase with this one.

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Men’s area: Sauna, steamroom, 3 rotenburo, 6 ofuro (inc. apple bath and collagen bath) 1 type of jet spa, mizuburoShared area: 6-8 rotenburo, one diet-sauna, one cave. Many restaurants, hotel rooms, sleeping room, manga corner etc etc.
Bath Heat/10	8
Sauna heat/10	8 (90 degrees)
Spatial aesthetic/5	3
Quality of Chit chat/5	4 (but I was with Hotcat)
Variety of bath types/10	9
Quality of rotenburo /10	7
Mizuburo/10	8
Lighting /10	9
Cost to value /5	4 (950 yen)
Accessibility /5	2
Little extras /10	9
Overall feeling /10	7
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	78

This place should be absolutely epic, scoring in the high 80s. But there are few things that bothered me whilst there. They have this amazing cold waterfall , right next to a large rotenburo in the mixed area. After standing under it for about 30 seconds, it came to my attention that there was a big sign next to it saying ‘do not enter the waterfall’. What a gip. Also, it’s a little bit vibeless in the general mixed area. The sense of space is kinda weird, and being able to see protruding street lamps near the fences is a constant reminder that you are in the ‘burbs. There just isn’t a good flow to the other baths, and although they have plenty of space, it feels kinda crammed. Finally, the corridors smell of bad feet, which we attributed to rotting jasmine, or something. Oh, and the shared sauna operated at 50 degrees.  I’ve learnt to appreciate these half-arsed saunas, but only when their steamier or bigger brother version is right next to it.

Having said all that, Hotcat and I spent ten hours here, and I’ll tell you why. They have a lovely sodium chloride outdoor bath in the mixed area with pergola and all. We chewed some fat there for sure (see below).

There is also this fantastic dome bath, operating at about 41 degrees (to my imagination), with a ledge that ran all the way around for lying in/on. Just like the aforementioned ‘puddle bath’ at Kikari. Like a wet tomb, not a bad place to pretend that you’re dead for 30 minutes or so. The men’s section featured a collagen rotenburo bath. Between its pinkish hue and the breezy day (Hotcat claimed it was Ichiharu, the windiest day that begins Spring), it made me feel like a right lady. I killed plenty of time in the tiled steamroom as well, but I’ll be damned if I know what that familiar smell actually was.

The resting room must get a particular mention- about 100 or so individual recliners with towel bedsheets and own tv sets. While Hotcat slept for an hour or so I watched some really tight sumo fights. Definition of bi-winning right there. Ate some pretty decent ramen, as well. Drank a fair amount of beer as well from the cafe right in the midst of the mixed section. There’s a shuttle bus to the nearest station, as well, whatever that hell it was (I wasn’t paying attention that day).

The other thing that caught my attention was the scene in the men’s section. I like entering these massive arenas of self-care, with men in various states of respite and semi-consciousness. Whilst bombing out in the apple bath, there was a panorama of relaxation in front of me. There were these wooden planks that were great for lying on, and these two burly fellas were on them. One, in a foetal position, the other, dead on hs back with a towel on his crotch. Both were not getting up anytime soon. Another lad was standing by the door, leaning over, not able to move on yet. I’m not a painter, but someone out there should be painting this shit. It’s very rare to find the male form beautiful and graceful (at least from where I’m sitting), but I dare say the onsen is a good place to start looking for it.

It’s also a nice feeling that I’m not the only one getting bombed here and that I’m not the only one thinking that lying in a puddle sounds like a damn fine way to spend an afternoon.

Oedo Onsen Chiba

〒 279-0013 Urayasu, Chiba Prefecture sunrise 7-3-12
http://www.ooedoonsen.jp/urayasu/index.html
1380 (with voucher)/1600.

I’m back, baby, I’m back

So, I moved to Japan. More about the later. Because time is soaking to a man like me.

Now I know that no one is actually reading this, so this more for my own peace of mind. But the Board of Bastu Justice just will not apply in Japan, so I whipped up this lil’ number, the meanings of which will become apparent pretty quickly. So, given that I intend to go to one sento (public bath) and one onsen (hot springs) a week, the narratives might be getting smaller and smaller. So, let’s dive in.

First up: Kirari Onsen, aka Mizoguchi Kiraku Hot Spring Village.

THE SCOREBOARD OF SENTO SUCCULENCE
Features:	Sauna, salt sauna, 2 rotenburo, three indoor ofuro, 3 types of jet spa, mizuburo, ganbanyoku, and ‘puddle’ that no one seems to have a term for; restaurant and sleeping area
Bath Heat/10	7. Hottest bath was 40 degrees.
Sauna heat/10	9 (90 degrees)
Spatial aesthetic/5	5
Quality of Chit chat/5	3 (very sociable scene at night on second visit)
Variety of bath types/10	8
Quality of rotenburo /10	8
Mizuburo/10	7
Lighting /10	9
Cost to value /5	4 (950 yen)
Accessibility /5	4
Little extras /10	9
Overall feeling /10	9
OVERALL PROXIMITY TO BOILING POINT/100	82

So when the lovely man with whose family I’m staying (we’ll call him Mr Wonderful from here on in) told me about Kirari, he described with great enthusiasm how one of the features of Kirari were these baths that you could lie down in, where the hot water was less than an inch thick. I told him it sounded amazing. He said it is. When I relayed this tale to someone back in Melbourne, the reply was met with a far less enthusiastic “so…. you’re lying in a puddle?” Oh but what a puddle!

You see, sure, this is a hot puddle, but it is divided with tiny walls so each person has their own little space. The son was shining that day with a great late winter crispness so after watching an innings or so baseball in the sauna, it was just the ticket. Here is the picture taken from Kirari’s own website:

I also had a crack at the ‘bedrock’ sauna, essentially a steam room/aromatherapy session whilst wearing a yukata. Nothing against yukatas, but wearing one whilst sweating profusely just doesn’t do it for me.

The place has some nice chairs outside, so the scene was all very “just a bunch of dudes hanging out in their birthday suits and enjoying the cool breeze”. If you can’t beat em, join em I guess. Having the rotenburos maintained at 36-38 degrees was a nice change of pace, because the saunas here are gas fired and are kinda kicking my ass. Needless to say I have been spending a lot of time submerged in the mizuburo (think was one was maintained at about 18 degrees) . This one was a little short so I couldn’t plank underwater (hence the lower rating).

The other thing that took me by surprise was the second sauna. So there I was, minding by own business in the deep brown rotenburo water (sodium bicarbonate, in “the hot bath of beauty”), looking at the map of the onsen. ‘Wait just one goddamned minute…. this map says there is a second sauna’. I popped back inside and found darn steamy lil room operating at about 60 degrees with a funny smell…. and a big bucket of salt. Game on. I scrubbed myself stupid with salt, which as far as I can tell serves as an exfoliant. I also gave the jet spas a quick blast, but it’s gonna take a special place to satisfy me as much as the jets at NAF Aquawellness centre (more on those later).

All in all, good times all round. Would be back there in a heartbeat if I didn’t have 20 other onsens on my back beggin’ for me body.

Kirari Onsen
http://www.yurakirari.com/kirari-net/mizonokuchi_top.html

〒213-0022 
神奈川県川崎市高津区千年１０６８−１
ph: 044-741-4126